6th Grade Transition: Part 4 in a Series - Don't Believe the Hype

We were all in middle school once. It is easy to forget the awkwardness of those years. We tend to have locked away all the changes we went through during that time period. In many cases, it's hard not to simply be in denial about who we were during that time. It's the reason most adults look back on their younger selves with a mix of fondness and shame. Who among us wouldn't want to be younger again. But would we give up the knowledge we have now to go back there? I know I wouldn't.

So what's the point? For parents, it's this: do not forget that your middle school child sees the world through a very different lens than you and we do. Has your child ever told you to "stop yelling at me" when you hadn't even raised your voice? Have they insisted their room was clean only for you to later realize it was far below your standard? In their eyes, a teacher who corrects them must "hate them," or they are "picking on me" or they are "singling me out in front of my friends." Children might complain about that at home. It's no coincidence that the amount a teacher "hates" a child rises as academic and behavioral performance deteriorates.

My suggestion is simple: Don’t Believe the Hype! When a child is struggling academically or is getting in trouble, a common strategy is for the student to divert the attention away from themselves. This by the way is completely natural and typical of the age. In this case, there's nothing new under the sun when it comes to the behavior of middle school children. It is highly predictable. But kids think it's new, and they do it almost without thinking.

If your child can convince you his/her teacher hates him, then you are going to go after the teacher, and then he/she is off the hook. The problem is your child is successfully avoiding his responsibility, which ultimately negatively impacts the child in a number of ways. It is no accident that students who behave as they are expected to, and who meet academic expectations do not have problems with teachers. Teachers do not keep the expectations secret. And, by the way, they do not spend time plotting against kids. Overwhelmingly, they are in it because they love kids. That doesn't mean they are not going to hold them responsible.

Strange as it may seem to some, one of the most powerful ways you can support your child is by supporting their teachers and by showing a united front when it comes to academic and behavioral expectations.

I am not suggesting that you do not listen to what your child is saying, or that you do not advocate for your child. I am suggesting that you acknowledge that what she is saying is filtered through the lens of a middle school child. Invariably, there is far more to the story, and teachers are willing to share the other side. Consider this: who has more to gain by misrepresenting what is going on in the classroom? Do not allow your children to so easily escape his/her responsibility.